your thong is hanging out like whoa
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
