So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
being pregnant is like rehab
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
