was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
