what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
