Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
