So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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