just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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