Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
