if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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