well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
