dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
