I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He kissed a someone with a penis
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
