And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
