You just made me feel so damn special
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
