when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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