you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
