yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
pray to the hookup gods
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
