so that wasnt chicken after all
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
