i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
