Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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