getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
