i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
