Who did Billy Mays play for?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
