is your mom at the bar?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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