is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
