FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
