I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize