my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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