you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
