Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
