Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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