I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
God I need to hump something, right now.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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