Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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