Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
