No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
