where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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