she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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