i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize