Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
