I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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