If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize