just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Is it penis luge time yet?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
