I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Couch. On fire.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
