Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
