people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
