just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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