my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
