Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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