he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
be right there i have to get my cape
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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