I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
