Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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