I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
