just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize