I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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