sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
