eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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