You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
