Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
