i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
