TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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