i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
