I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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