I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
