im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
