She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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