Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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